May 15 2014

Shockingly Saddening News

For those of you that may remember, we had 2 sweet, adorable basset hounds named Arky and Boog (nicknames). We had to make the toughest decision of our lives to give them up to Guardian Angel Basset Rescue to help find them a new home. It hurt. It stung. It was a decision that will forever haunt me. I have come to some sort of peace with that decision because I know that I was thinking of my dogs and not being selfish. I knew they were not getting the care and attention they needed and deserved. I was so disappointed in myself not being able to “do it all.” I simply couldn’t. I was at my end and the dogs need not suffer for it. So in all love, I gave them up.

Fast forward 2 years….I still grieve over their loss. I miss them terribly. We still have their pictures on the walls and we talk about them now again. Ham still remembers them but his memory is fading. Taters says he remembers them but I don’t think he really does. And sweet Beans…well, she was still in utero at the time.  Well, I remember them and I think of them often. We were invited to a GABR (basset rescue) appreciation party for financial supporters in Indiana. It sure did take a bunch of courage but we went. We were able to share our story of the love and sacrifice to care for and raise them for 6 years and then have to give them up. We were able to show that not every person who “gives up” their pet is a bad person. We are real people with real issues and truly wanted what was best for our beloved pets. It was refreshing to not be treated as the “bad guy.” They saw our family and they saw our hurt. But they saw our love above it all. During that party we had the opportunity and privilege to meet the “foster mom” who took our bassets in until they were adopted. We were eager to hear updates on our bassets. We gave her our information and she gave us hers and said she would contact the new owners and pass our info along. Well that was in March. Silence followed.

Last night….I finally worked up the courage to contact the “foster mom” and re-send my information and see if she would respond. I am only at my computer really late at night so I didn’t expect a response soon. I went to bed; hopeful.

Then I had a dream of sweet Ark. Boog was there but not the focus of the dream. It was all about Ark. She was sick. Really sick. I couldn’t help her. I just laid with her on the floor and pet her. This dream didn’t last long but I did remember it. I wasn’t really affected by it either. I knew it was because of the email I had sent.

Come wakey time this morning, I do my morning routine on my phone. Check the weather, read my Daily Bread and check email. I had a response!!!!! I was over the moon thrilled! “Foster Mom” had sent me a link to a whole bunch of pictures of my dogs!!!! They were from the time she had them so they were 2 years old but I had them. I even got to see a picture of the new owners with my babies. It was great.

The morning went on. I was getting kinda grumpy at the family for stupid things really. But I felt the need to be grumpy I guess. I have LOTS on my plate and when things aren’t done in a timely fashion I get grumpy. I finally calmed myself down and took a breather. I checked my email again. There was another message from Foster Mom. I quickly opened it hoping she had more recent news of the girls. I read the first sentence and just wailed “NOOOO” and burst into tears. (Mind you I am nearly 14 weeks pregnant and hormonal). Archimedes developed a brain tumor last summer and went blind. There was nothing anyone could do for her. She was eventually put to sleep due to the tumor and the onset of aggression. My sweet Arky Doodles is gone. Gone forever kind of gone. She died nearly a year ago and I had no idea. She was just 8 years old. Maybe God was sparing me and our family the fate that lay ahead for Ark. It would have killed me to go through that with her. But at the same time I feel as if I let her down by not being by her side. I loved my dog so much. I sit here typing this crying. I miss her so much. I had hope that one day we might be able to see her again at a meet-up with GABR bassets or something like that. But I will have to wait until Heaven. I firmly believe that God has animals in Heaven. He didn’t just create them and give them souls to just die and be gone. He wouldn’t do that to our companions in life. I don’t believe that EVERY SINGLE ANIMAL (spiders, ants, cats…hahahaha) is going to be necessarily in Heaven. But hey, I am not God and I have NO idea what He has planned up there. But I am clinging to the Hope that I will see my beloved Archimedes. I also have another thought that keeps the pain eased….Arky is up there right now with our baby. They are having such a good time together. Maybe God took Arky home first to be part of the welcoming committee for the sweet life we lost in November.

I have suffered many losses in my life. Many deaths. In school we lost at least 1 student every year and we weren’t that big of a school. My family and our family friends suffered losses during my life. I learned from a very early age to not get too attached to anyone. Don’t love too much because death will separate you from them. Not the right way to look at things I know. But that is how I responded. I didn’t have the Hope I have now. I can only think of a few deaths that have hurt me so much. When my Grandpa died several years ago, that hurt. I was minutes from getting to him and got the call that I was too late. Thankfully I had visited him many times before he passed. But in all honesty, I wanted him to go. I prayed for Jesus to come and take my Grandpa home. No matter how much I knew it would hurt my Grandma, me and the rest of the family. I knew that healing wasn’t going to be the answer. Passing in peace would be. That has been nearly 7 years ago. Then we suffered a miscarriage in November of 2013. That was a whole different level of hurt and grief. Even my oldest son experienced loss with that one. And then today. The news of Ark’s passing just hit straight through the heart. Especially after that dream. Maybe the Lord was preparing me for some news to come my way. Who knows. All I know is that I miss her so much and pray for Arugula to continue to live a healthy and happy life with her new owners and without her beloved sister. I hope that one day I will get to see her before she goes to Heaven. But should it not happen, I KNOW that I will see them both again playing in Heaven.

 

Goodbye sweet Arky

Goodbye sweet Arky